Blown Away By Losing Him
by LonelyWinterRose
Summary: Thorin, Dis, Kili, Dwalin, and Bifur's feelings and thoughts when they find out about Fili's death. . . SEQUEL and companion piece to "Blown Away" can be read by itself but best to read "Blown Away" first to get the full of the emotions. Mention's of character death. Sad and angst filled. Semi dark themes.


Hey everyone! So I went ahead and decided to put up a story in the point of views of Dwalin, Bifur, Thorin, Kili, and Dis when they find out what happened. I just kept thinking about it and it wouldn't go away so here it is.

I would recommend that you read _Blown Away_ before you read this but I think that it can be read by itself too if you want. But this is it's sequel so it's your choice you can even read this one first or whatever. (Shrugs shoulders and smiles charmingly)

Also shout out to **Mjean** who reviewed _Blown Away_ and said to follow it up you helped me to decided to do it and not to just let it stew in my head so thanks. ;)

For this story I've been listening to Gavin DeGraw's song _"Not Over You"_ on repeat since it just seemed to fit the story somehow.

 **Disclaimer :** _I do NOT own The Hobbit, any of its characters, plot line, or anything you may recognize from Tolkien's original works all the credit goes to him._

Ever at your service,

LonelyWinterRose

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 **BLOWN AWAY BY LOSING HIM  
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 **CHAPTER ONE : Thorin's POV**

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He would readily admit that he had never really paid much attention to his Heir and oldest sister-son not for lack of caring —though he would also admit that though he was fond of Fili it was Kili his sisters youngest son that held most of his affection— but also because he knew that Fili did not need as much attention from him than Kili did.

His eldest sister-son was responsible and did his duty as his Heir well and truly did not need his supervision for he did not get into all the trouble his youngest sisters son did on a daily and even an hourly basis.

He did not in his mind neglect Fili he merely knew that Fili did not need all the care that Kili did.

He was mature and steady, talented in everything he did —though he supposed that he should probably tell him so once in a while—, the way he wielded his duel swords was like an art all it's own it was just a shame that he sometimes lost his cool when under pressure.

If he was to be King one day he had to learn control and to not lean or depend on anybody but himself and perhaps his royal adviser.

He tried to impress this fact on his eldest sister-son since he was young even more so when he started his studies and began apprenticing with him and Dwalin as a blacksmith, if he was hard on him it was because he wished for Fili to be greater than him as a leader and as a leader you can't afford to make any mistakes.

He told his Heir of each of his mistakes and punished him for them not to belittle him but to try and teach him and encourage him in the most motivating way possible to correct his failures so to not make them again.

When he was younger his father mad grandfather did nearly the same for him the only difference between the punishments he presses upon Fili and the ones his father and grandfather pressed upon him was that he denied Fili subsistence and the privilege to move on from his current lessons where as his father and grandfather had ordered him to take on more work than they knew him able, make him take charge over a large building project or training new recruits.

He would have done the same for Fili but he could not because they were not in Erebor where such things needed and could be done but instead in the Blue Mountains where their people were few and scattered, where they had not the funds to start any kind of project for discipline or other wise.

If he is too hard on him it is for the best, he has little to work with and an Heir who is too smart and strong and willingly able to do three times of what another could or may want to do.

What does one do with a boy child now a young man who has more will and strength to do what others cannot do and who can do what no other in the history of their people would be able to do?

How does one who was taught not to be weak and show feelings bond to their nephew and more importantly Heir the way they are needed to?

And most of all why does it have to be so hard to mold such a willing soul into a great leader?

He himself knew that his grandfather had been a good ruler of their people before the gold sickness took a hold on him, his father had been less steady ruler his brightness dulled by grief but good nonetheless, and despite his own failures he has tried his best to be a good ruler too.

But Fili, from the moment he had been born, he knew that Fili would be a great one if only he was trained and melted into the right mold not like he or his father and grandfather had been trained and molded but stronger, steadier, fiercer, a strength to prevail through everything, somebody who will not fall or fail, a great leader, a great ruler and a great King.

One day his sister-son would get there and when that day came he knew he wouldn't be prouder if Fili had been his own son or if he truly thought about it, Kili.

But now he was but a boy though in the past years more a young man on his way to coming into his full and this meant he needed to be trained and trusted to do what is right without outward worry.

That's not to say that he did not worry on the inside he was after all trained not to show any weaker emotion on the surface however any feelings he may feel on the inside are welcome additions to motivating him.

He was however not worried when Fili had informed him a few days ago that he would be absent for at the most a full week hunting for the meat the Dwarves of Ered Luin will need for the first couple months of the coming winter.

It was not an unusual occurrence for his eldest sister-son to do so, though most times he took Kili with him also since his youngest sister-son was good with a bow, but Fili had a certain gift for traps and hunting with his own two hands that is both frightening in its mystery of how he does it and wonder at how the animals seem to just want him to kill them so he can feed his family and people.

It is scary and frightening at the ferocity that enters his eldest sister-son eyes when he hunts and fights, a primal light that draws you in and freezes you in place at the same time making him successful when he fights coming out the victor every time and when he hunts he always brings back several large catches enough to keep nearly everyone fed for a month at least, while whenever Kili goes with him it is as if he holds himself back and let's Kili do all the hunting with his bow.

He left two days ago and since then his time has been taken up even more by Kili than it normally would have been and he has also been swamped with more work then before too, both at the forge and in his stately matters.

He hadn't noticed before now just how much of his own work he had passed on to Fili to do, the fact that in the first day he had had several people come up to him and inquire on the separate works they had ordered for Fili to complete in the forge or problem he had assured them that he would see solved that he hadn't known about previously showed him more than he would like to admit at just how little he knew of the extra work his already hard working Heir took on in his spare time.

It made him proud that his sister-son had taken such an initiative and that he could handle suck responsibilities that he had thought he couldn't not two days ago before he was faced with it head on.

That Fili had not broken under such pressure surprised him when looking back he had seen him buckle under much less before but he supposed that that had been quite a few years ago to, most likely too many for him to recall clearly just how much.

As proud as he was of his Heir and as tired as he was with the added work that had fallen from Fili's shoulders onto his when he left to go hunting he couldn't help but to feel a building pressure in his chest like something bad was going to happen soon though he made sure to push it away and ignore it even when his good friend and cousin Dwalin had come forward to tell him he and a Dwarf named Bifur were going out to search for his sister-son.

It was a stupid notion, nothing could be wrong he was only out hunting after all but they ignored his words and went out to search for Fili anyway.

If he were to be honest —which he is— then he will admit that he doesn't give Fili a thought only being reminded that he is gone when Dis comments an unusual amount of times on where Fili is —as if she forgot he told them all that he was going hunting— and if he is alright and when Kili takes the time to mention that Fili could have done something so he wouldn't of had to do it along with complaining that Fili hadn't taken him hunting with him.

The days passed by and life went on for him, his days were taken up by working in the forge dealing with his duties of leading his people paying attention to Kili and dealing with his sisters growing anxiety over her eldest sons well being, the knowledge that his eldest sister-son would be returning in a days time was merely back ground music in him mind when it came to the priority of his concerns.

He became grateful that at least Kili was acting as he normally would because in the last few days, ever since the third day after his Heir left to go hunting, several people had come to him to express their concern over a feeling of unease that seemed to be present in nearly everybody.

However he dismissed their concerns just as he had done to Dwalin's, he would have heeded his best friends concerns in the past when they had not yet settled in Ered Luin but still wandered looking for work in the towns of Men, but they were safe here, Dis and Kili were safe and his people were comfortable and that is all that matters to him.

The fact that his own feeling of unease had disappeared a few hours before even Dwalin had come to him to ask him to send out a search party to retrieve Fili but when he refused went himself with the Dwarf Bifur was what had motivated him to dismiss everyone's concerns, even Dis', he trusted his own gut and his instincts had told him that whatever they had felt was going to be wrong had ended and thus it only needed to be ignored.

But when the day came that Fili said he would be back came but his eldest sister-son did not return but three Men came before him to present him with half of the number of kills Fili would normally bring back after a week of hunting claiming that his sister-son had payed them to hunt them and to personally give them to his Uncle a week from the day that he payed them even he began to worry and thought back to just how shaken up Dwalin had been over how he thought something had been wrong with Fili.

If there was one thing he knew about his eldest it was that when he gave his word and told somebody that he would do something he would do it, he would never go back on or break his word to anybody so the fact that his nephew had not returned when he said he would made him second guess if perhaps Dwalin had been right in some way and Fili may have gotten into a spot of trouble.

He didn't have time to think on this over much himself because in the two more days that passed with no sight or word from Fili he has busy comforting his growingly worried and distraught sister and reassuring Kili that his brother had probably just hired the three Men so he could bring back twice as much meat for their winter stores and so it was taking him longer.

He tried not to worry himself but the sentiment was thrown to the wind when just as the sun was setting on the second day after Fili was suppose to return Dwalin and the Dwarf Bifur rode back into Ered Luin deep soul reaching grief etched across their tear track covered faces their eyes holding a silent fury —at whom no one knows— with Fili's pony walking in between theirs.

Even from the distance he was standing from them watching as they made their way towards him and Dis and Kili he could see the distinct lumped form of a body tied to the pony's saddle along with the bright flash of golden hair stain red and brown with blood and dirt.

Anyone who knew Fili would recognize that sullied golden blond mane as his and the sight of the familiar sun colored hair of his Heir hanging down from the side of the pony making the body tied to the saddle Fili's too crushed all the air out of his body driving him back a step as he felt something inside him breaking at the same moment he felt his ear pop from the sound of Dis' grief ravaged cry sounding loudly right next to his ear along with Kili's matching shout on his out side.

The next thing he knows he is running along side his sister and his youngest —now his only— sister-son head long towards the pony carrying his eldest nephew tied to its saddle, pushing past a sorrow stricken Dwalin and the silent teary eyed Dwarf Bifur to untie Fili and gently lower him to the ground where upon his sister grabbed her son and held him to her chest keening anguishedly into the air with Kili kneeling beside her staring in shock at his dead brothers dirty bloodied form.

All he could do was sink to his knees and draw his only living sister-son into his arms as he stared with tears running down his face into his beard at the still dead form of his golden haired nephew as Dwalin tell them how and where they found his body.

He can not think, it seems impossible, but Dwalin does not lie he can so the cuts on his nephews wrists, neck and the dark russet stain on his shirt over his stomach and know that Fili gave himself these wounds, that he killed himself willingly.

Its is heart wrenching and he can't help but think this is his fault, if only he hadn't been as hard on him as he had been or if only he had treated Fili like he did Kili maybe his eldest nephew wouldn't have felt the need to take his own life.

He is silent only whispering words that he hopes are comforting to his youngest nephew as he clings to his shirt his face hidden in his chest as Kili's slim shoulders shake as giant raking sobs move through his body so violently he thinks his nephew might shake out of his arms.

It seems inconceivable that Fili could have been capable of this but as he looks back he realizes that he doesn't know what Fili is capable of, he doesn't know Fili at all.

When was the last time he actually talked with his Heir as an Uncle not a King or even just compliments the boy on something he did right instead of criticize his efforts?

Was it really his fault that his eldest sister-son is now gone?

He can truly say that he does not have any idea who his nephew is or rather was —as sour as the later thought tastes— sure he was his Heir and his sisters eldest son, his nephew, but he didn't know what his favorite color was or his favorite food or season or even if he had had an interest in courting on of the lass around there home.

Its a disappointing thought that he doesn't even know anything about his own Heir so busy was he in trying to make him into a great leader and a better Dwarf than he ever could be that he must have forgotten that Fili was his own person not just the person he was trying to mold him into.

In the next few days leading up to his eldest sister sons funeral burial he rarely speaks save to comfort Kili and Dis and he somehow finds an understanding companion in the Dwarf Bifur who sits by his side as he drinks what ever portion of his sorrows he can each night only for Dwalin to come and get him to bright him home to Dis to mother him giving him the feeling that they were use to doing this with another of his family, his golden haired nephew Fili.

It is as if when Fili left the world he took with him a little part of every person that ever met him leaving the living to ghosts their eyes empty in grief at losing their sun shine that had been their peoples hope and Heir.

He thinks that though Dis and Kili and himself were Fili's family his death hit Dwalin and Bifur the hardest and the most since they were really the ones that spent the most time together with him, they were more friends and family to him than the other people that claimed to have been his family and kin before.

But his death made everyone rethink just how well they knew Thorin's Heir, Fili.

When the day of his funeral came and he watched his eldest sister-son be laid back down into stone he couldn't help but resent that Fili was not being placed within the stone of Erebor where he should have ruled after him, Kili was not cut out to take the throne after him, Fili had been but now he won't have the chance.

Blame could be solely placed on his shoulders for pressuring him so much, he didn't know if it had been him who caused Fili to end his life but he figured that he had as good a right as any —if not a bigger one— that blame for his Heir's death to be placed on his shoulders, another death to the already large tally.

When it was his turn to say a few words of his nephew he hadn't know what to say, not in the least, after all how could he when he couldn't claim to know anything about him?

So after merely stating that he would have made a better King and then he he stepped away to let the stone be pushed over his open tomb hiding his eldest sister-son away for the rest of time.

And looking back as he glimpsed his last look at his nephews still cold face as the stone slid shut he thought back with shame how he had never really referred to Fili as _Fili,_ but really mostly only as his Heir or is eldest sister-son almost as an after thought both in his head and when mentioning him out loud.

He had been a horrible Uncle, not even an Uncle, at least not to Fili but he resolved himself to living with the fact for the rest of his life and vowed that he would take back Erebor and then he would come back and take Fili's tomb home to rest within Erebor's deep stone.

It would not fix how he could have ruled their should he have lived but it was a start to forgiving himself for not being stronger to see and stop Fili form leaving this world like he did.

He had been blown away from him and Dis and Kili like a feather in the wind so light was his passing that hardly any of them noticed it.

It would forever be their shame to bare till their dying day that they had left such a wonderful Dwarrow to waste away in silence feeling like he could not come to them, he felt that it set heavily upon his heart the most.

And he could not help it, something in him had broken the day Dwalin and Bifur brought Fili's body back and he knew within his very should that it would never heal,never scar, it would always be a raw open wound a festering reminder that he had failed the most pure spirited Dwarf that Mahal had ever gift to Durin's line.

He smiled bitterly a sad look seemingly permanently frozen on his face as he bodily turned Kili away from his dead brothers stone bed where he would lay until he could be moved to Erebor when they reclaimed it and forcefully tugged a still weeping Dis along with them as he led them both back up to the surface once again vowing on Fili's spirit that he would trying to fix the wrongs he did to his eldest sister-son even if he knew he never really could make up for it.

He had been blind sided, knocked over, and blown away by the loss of his golden nephew, nothing could ever replace him he only regretted that he could not have saved Fili such hurt.

There is nothing he can do to fix what he did, what any of them did to cause his sister-son to end his own life, they could move on, they had to, but they could never forget, never would, no way to heal even either his or their own scars if they wanted to.

They were _Blown Away By Losing Him_.

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So what did you think? Like it? Love it? Hate it?

Let me know in a review.

I will write the next chapter in Dis' POV because I feel that we need a little bit of love in here after I introduced Thorin a ignorant and callous in his handling of Fili. Kind of makes you want to hate Thorin for treating so carelessly Fili like this doesn't it? Family drama am I right? lol

So I did type out the whole chapter in almost one go but then my finger slipped and somehow the page back up and when I tried to reload it half of it was gone so the mood might have jumped a little so sorry about that but I hope it still turned out good.

Thanks for Reading, Reviewing, Favoriting, Following etc.

Ever at your service,

LonelyWinterRose


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